Welcome Home!

While Ryan was in the hospital, his sister Claudia offered to take care of Leah at her house until we were back home after the surgery. So, for the first time since she came into our lives, Leah slept overnight somewhere else for 5 nights! While I missed her more than I thought possible, I am sure, now that it is over, that I could NOT have taken care of her and Ryan without losing my mind! Knowing that she was being well cared for in a house full of love set my mind at ease and allowed me to focus on Ryan and getting him settled at home and on the road to recovery.

But, man did I miss her!

She came home this afternoon and came running down the driveway screaming! Ryan was sitting on the deck with his brother and I was inside. I could hear her and Ryan both yelling and hugging and carrying on. I ran out the back door, and before I even knew what happened, she was in my arms and hugging me hard. She kept looking at me, sort of in disbelief, and then hugging me all over again. With each embrace, she kicked her legs, and rubbed her hands on my back saying "I'm so glad you came home!".

She gave Rusty an equally heartfelt hello, throwing her arms around his neck and burying her face into his fur, crooning "Rusty Boy, my Rusty Boy!!".

She danced and jumped up and down and wiggled her tush for what seemed like an hour straight. She was SO happy to be home! Every single thing we said or showed her was like she had just opened her absolute all time favorite Christmas present on Christmas morning. Her excitement and relief to be back home with mommy, daddy, rusty, her back yard, her playhouse and her room was so strong that she was almost trembling with it!

For some reason, it never occurred to me that she would have missed home and Ryan and I so much. The day that Claudia had picked her up, she couldn't get out the door fast enough! When I called to talk to her, she was too busy to come to the phone. Her reaction to coming back home absolutely THRILLED me since I was just as excited as she was to have my family back together again. It wouldn't be until a little later that I found out just how much she did miss me...

After things had settled down a bit, Leah came to me and gave me another sweet, soft, long hug. Then she looked at me, with a hint of something in her eyes that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

After a few moments of silent hugging, she slowly and softly, said "I forgive you, Mama", smiled innocently and hugged me yet again.

Startled, and a little concerned, I asked "What do you forgive me for? "

She looked again, with those sweet sad eyes and said something that sounded like "For being mean to me".

My throat closed a little and my eyes began to burn. I started frantically replaying the last few weeks in my mind, trying to remember what I might have said or done.

Was it that time that I had tossed one of her My Little Pony toys in the garbage for not picking up her toys before going to bed?

Had I inadvertantly hurt her feelings by telling her I couldn't play with her because I had too much work to do?

Or, God forbid, did she still remember the swat on the behind a few weeks ago, something I have only done a handful of times?

I said "For being mean to you? Oh, honey, what did I do that was mean?"

Nodding ever so slightly and leaning into me for another hug, she says "No...not mean to me...For leaving me....but its okay because you saved me, too!"

The tears came in earnest this time.

"Oh, honey" I said "did you think that you were going to stay at Aunt Claudia's forever and that I wasn't going to bring you home?"

"Yes", she whispered, squeezing me tighter, burying her face a little deeper into my chest.

What a horrible feeling! To think that she, for even a single second, thought that I had abandoned her!

No words came to me right away, and I couldn't have spoken them anyway because of the lump in my throat, so I simply hugged her as tight as I could and started rocking her like I used to when she was a baby.

Choked with tears, I scratched out a "Oh, honey! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! I would NEVER EVER EVER LEAVE YOU!" and just kept hugging for all I was worth.

And then, for the rest of the day, I found as many chances as I could to grab her, hug her, and remind her how important she is to me and that she can ALWAYS count on me.

Always!