I just spent some time reading some of my older posts. A little more than a year ago, Ryan was in a nursing home after he'd been discharged from the hospital. This is what a day in my life looked like a year ago:
7:00am. Get up. Go downstairs, get scooter and bring up stairs. Get Ryan up, and wait while he uses the urinal. Empty urinal. Get Ryan to bathroom and get him into shower on shower chair. Wrap up leg with plastic to keep it dry. Help him get cleaned up, the washed and dressed. I have to put on his underwear, his socks, he shorts, his t-shirt. Go downstairs,get Ryan's IV started. Get myself showered, dressed. Get Leah dressed. Pack lunches. Feed Rusty. Let Rusty Out. Empty Ryan's urinal (again). Get as many things as possible as close to Ryan as possible so when he needs something during the day he can reach it without having to get up. Turn off IV and remove tubing and such. Get Leah dressed and lunch packed.
8:00am. Leave the house. Drop Leah off at sitter's.
9:00am - 4:00pm Work.
4:30pm - Pick Leah Up from daycare. Go home, Ryan is asleep...has been most of the day. Empty Ryan's urinal. Make dinner, clean kitchen, start Ryan's IV. Clean up, do laundry, let Rusty out, feed Rusty, finish Ryan's IV. Get Leah's bath, help get Ryan to bed. Give Leah a bath, put her to bed, let rusty in, lock up, go to bed.
This was what this past Friday looked like:
5:00 am - Ryan got up by himself. Put on pneumatic pump for 2 hour treatment.
7:00 - Leah is up and downstairs and helping daddy make breakfast.
8:30am - Woke up because Leah is yelling: "MOMMMMYY! Wake up! It's time for BREAKFAST!!!" Eat delicious breakfast. Shower, get dressed, go to work.
9:30 - 5:00 Work
5:30 - Got Home. Ryan and Leah had cleaned the downstairs and made dinner.
6:00 Ate dinner.
6:30 cleaned kitchen.
7:00 - 10:00 watched movies and talked while Ryan did his second treatment.
10:30 - Went to bed!
Wow...what a difference a year can make!
Monday, October 26, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Okay Okay...I hear you!
A very regular part of my multitude of weight loss attempts over the years has been jumping on the "gym" membership bandwagon. The Y, Golds Gym, Curves, the local no-name place a mile from our old apartment in Rensselear. With each one, the story was always the same. I'd go to visit the place, get all excited by the healthy, happy people working out. I'd think "wow! this is great! You can even see a personal trainer!" And for a week or two or maybe even a month, I'd go regularly. But by the 6 week mark, or so, I'd have stopped going, stopped talking about it...basically just given up because a couple of visits to that place after years of no regular exercise did not help me look anything like those healthy people I'd see on the tour.
That's where the excuses would come in. Its too expensive! Its too far away! Those people are always looking at me laughing! That's it! I'm cancelling my membership!
Interestingly enough, the company I now work for offers their employees use of an on-site exercise room completely furnished with an elliptical machine, a treadmill, an exercise bike, a full set of free weights, a work out ball and even a tv/dvd combo to watch while working out. There is even a shower a couple doors down from that room. It is an excellent and, I think, very considerate benefit.
My typical list of excuses didn't quite work in this situation. It certainly wasn't expensive since there is no charge for employees to use it. I can't justify the "its too far away" argument because the room sits, literally...I swear I am not kidding, 10 feet from my desk.
But, before I got myself worked up thinking that I was going to have to use that damn room, I was still able to squeak through the "All those people are looking at me!" loophole. Alas, the room has huge windows on 2 of its 4 walls and anyone coming in to work for the day would see me in there, sweating and cursing and battling the bulge. No thanks!
Phew! Just scraped by on that one.
But then, probably more than a year ago now, blinds were installed, at someone else's self-conscious request, in the windows. The day I saw the windows being measured, the devil on my shoulder immediately began concocting new reasons for why I can't use that room. "Yeah, sure" he sneered, "the windows are covered but what about that big gaping hole where a door should be? Anyone coming out of the stair well will be staring right at you!"
Wow! Saved again...just by the skin of my teeth. Thank God!
In an ironic twist of fate, however, I found out today that the equipment is being moved.
To a room with no windows.
To a room with a wooden, close-able door with no window.
To a room even closer to my office.
So close, in fact, that I will forever be seeing it in my peripheral vision and will stand face to face with it each and every time I walk out of my office....
Hmmm.
Think someones trying to tell me something?
That's where the excuses would come in. Its too expensive! Its too far away! Those people are always looking at me laughing! That's it! I'm cancelling my membership!
Interestingly enough, the company I now work for offers their employees use of an on-site exercise room completely furnished with an elliptical machine, a treadmill, an exercise bike, a full set of free weights, a work out ball and even a tv/dvd combo to watch while working out. There is even a shower a couple doors down from that room. It is an excellent and, I think, very considerate benefit.
My typical list of excuses didn't quite work in this situation. It certainly wasn't expensive since there is no charge for employees to use it. I can't justify the "its too far away" argument because the room sits, literally...I swear I am not kidding, 10 feet from my desk.
But, before I got myself worked up thinking that I was going to have to use that damn room, I was still able to squeak through the "All those people are looking at me!" loophole. Alas, the room has huge windows on 2 of its 4 walls and anyone coming in to work for the day would see me in there, sweating and cursing and battling the bulge. No thanks!
Phew! Just scraped by on that one.
But then, probably more than a year ago now, blinds were installed, at someone else's self-conscious request, in the windows. The day I saw the windows being measured, the devil on my shoulder immediately began concocting new reasons for why I can't use that room. "Yeah, sure" he sneered, "the windows are covered but what about that big gaping hole where a door should be? Anyone coming out of the stair well will be staring right at you!"
Wow! Saved again...just by the skin of my teeth. Thank God!
In an ironic twist of fate, however, I found out today that the equipment is being moved.
To a room with no windows.
To a room with a wooden, close-able door with no window.
To a room even closer to my office.
So close, in fact, that I will forever be seeing it in my peripheral vision and will stand face to face with it each and every time I walk out of my office....
Hmmm.
Think someones trying to tell me something?
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
A Day in My "Normal Weight" Life
I have read and heard a million times over the years that a key part of real and maintainable weight loss is that the person wishing to lose weight must be able to envision themselves at a normal weight. I just completed an exercise in that regard. The instructions were to "Write a description of your new life. What is it like now that you have achieved your ideal weight? How do you feel?"
I wake up each morning feeling refreshed and energized. When I get out of bed it is without back, leg, or ankle pain. When I pass a mirror, I stop and look at myself and say "I love you" with true sincerity. I have a variety of nice, flattering clothes to choose from in my closet.
I easily and automatically prepare a healthy breakfast and pack a healthy lunch. My ride to work is pleasant, regardless of weather conditions or other drivers. I park the car and get out easily, with little effort. I walk from my car to the building with a clear mind and complete confidence in my physical, emotional and spiritual selves. When I see co-workers, I greet them with genuine interest. They see me as a kind, capable, intelligent, and healthy woman. They are proud to call me friend.
The day passes smoothly and effortlessly and when I get up from my desk my legs are strong and sure and lift me up soundly without pain. My work is completed on time with high quality.
When I return home in the evening, I greet my family with love and warm hugs. I ask them about their day and listen intently to all they have to say. I easily and effortlessly prepare a delicious and healthy meal that we eat together at our dining room table. We share our highs and lows for the day. We laugh, listen, share, and love.
After dinner I gratefully and graciously clear the table and clean the kitchen. When I turn off the light I say a prayer of thanks for all I have been given. I spend the next few hours with my family watching TV, coloring, painting, reading, playing games. When I have time to relax, I automatically choose activities that support and enhance my health and my commitment to becoming my best self. It has become habit for me to meditate, read, visualize or cleanse my body. Throughout the day, my thirst and hunger are met with healthy foods and I find time to exercise, no matter where I am.
Before I go to bed each night, I pray and show gratitude for my blessings and ask God to continue to provide me with strength and courage to follow his path for me to my best self and I remember that the journey is more important than the destination. My dreams are filled with beautiful images and communications with loved ones passed. I awake every day refreshed, strong, and courageous.
If I stumble or have trouble dealing with my emotions, I remind myself that I still deserve health and happiness. I remember that the only time I have is now and that I can change the course of the day whenever I so choose.
I am loving and supportive of myself and others. I speak in a tone of voice that is caring and soothing. I am able to understand why someone might direct their anger at me, even though I don't deserve it. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and always look for the best in every person, every situation, and every trial. I rest assured every night that the majority of the choices I have made are good and healthy and that the only thing I can do about a bad choice is to learn from it.
My life at a normal weight is full, happy, exciting, and challenging and I commit myself to keeping it that way.
I wake up each morning feeling refreshed and energized. When I get out of bed it is without back, leg, or ankle pain. When I pass a mirror, I stop and look at myself and say "I love you" with true sincerity. I have a variety of nice, flattering clothes to choose from in my closet.
I easily and automatically prepare a healthy breakfast and pack a healthy lunch. My ride to work is pleasant, regardless of weather conditions or other drivers. I park the car and get out easily, with little effort. I walk from my car to the building with a clear mind and complete confidence in my physical, emotional and spiritual selves. When I see co-workers, I greet them with genuine interest. They see me as a kind, capable, intelligent, and healthy woman. They are proud to call me friend.
The day passes smoothly and effortlessly and when I get up from my desk my legs are strong and sure and lift me up soundly without pain. My work is completed on time with high quality.
When I return home in the evening, I greet my family with love and warm hugs. I ask them about their day and listen intently to all they have to say. I easily and effortlessly prepare a delicious and healthy meal that we eat together at our dining room table. We share our highs and lows for the day. We laugh, listen, share, and love.
After dinner I gratefully and graciously clear the table and clean the kitchen. When I turn off the light I say a prayer of thanks for all I have been given. I spend the next few hours with my family watching TV, coloring, painting, reading, playing games. When I have time to relax, I automatically choose activities that support and enhance my health and my commitment to becoming my best self. It has become habit for me to meditate, read, visualize or cleanse my body. Throughout the day, my thirst and hunger are met with healthy foods and I find time to exercise, no matter where I am.
Before I go to bed each night, I pray and show gratitude for my blessings and ask God to continue to provide me with strength and courage to follow his path for me to my best self and I remember that the journey is more important than the destination. My dreams are filled with beautiful images and communications with loved ones passed. I awake every day refreshed, strong, and courageous.
If I stumble or have trouble dealing with my emotions, I remind myself that I still deserve health and happiness. I remember that the only time I have is now and that I can change the course of the day whenever I so choose.
I am loving and supportive of myself and others. I speak in a tone of voice that is caring and soothing. I am able to understand why someone might direct their anger at me, even though I don't deserve it. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and always look for the best in every person, every situation, and every trial. I rest assured every night that the majority of the choices I have made are good and healthy and that the only thing I can do about a bad choice is to learn from it.
My life at a normal weight is full, happy, exciting, and challenging and I commit myself to keeping it that way.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Some More Cute Little Sayings
In an effort to capture some of Leah's cuter moments before they disappear and are forgotten, I thought I'd share hear a couple of things...
You probably know that Ryan and I are very much "dog people". We treat Rusty more like a part of our family than simply a pet. Therefore, over the years, we have each developed a voice that we use when we think Rusty would like to communicate something. I'm sure it looks weird to outsiders, but human-dog conversations are quite normal around here.
Ryan was talking to Rusty one day last week and Leah went to him and said "Daddy? Rusty can't talk!" and of course Ryan said "well sure he can! Listen:" and went on about impersonating him to the best of his ability. Leah was sure she knew better. "Daddy!" she said. "Don't be silly! Rusty can't talk...he Rustles."
Just this evening, I was using Leah's scissors with the blunt ends (since not one of the approximately 4.25 kazillion pairs of grownup scissors I've purchased over the years can be found) to cut off a bandage from Ryan's leg.
Now, this is one of those moments where I realized almost immediately that something I'd told Leah in the past about behavior and sharing and politeness was about to come back to bite me in the ass since I had taken the scissors without asking her first.
She came to me and said "MOMMY! Those are MY scissors!". I said "Oh, I know honey! I forgot to ask you if I can use them...is it okay?"
She beamed from ear to ear and said "Of course you can mommy!" and then patted me on the hand and walked away.
One of the pieces of medical equipment Ryan is using is a bone stimulator. Last night we had decided to go visit Ryan's parents for a few hours, so he needed to bring it with him. His hands were full, however, so I asked Leah if she could be a good helper and take it to him. Of course, she agreed because she does love to help! She took it from my hands and after getting it adjusted in such away in her little hands that would not end up strangling her, she walked out the front door, across the driveway, and handed it to Ryan while saying "Here you go daddy. Here is your bone stimulator" and then preceded to buckle herself into her car seat. You would have thought that she'd been saying that word every day. She pronounced it perfectly!
Ryan's mother has a cousin who's first name is Coonygunda (no clue if this is spelled anywhere near correctly, but it is pronounced COO-NEE-GOON-DUH). Virginia has mentioned her to me once or twice and of course I always say "Really? That's her name? Her first name?" and we giggle and then go on about our business. Then one day when I was picking Leah up from grandma's, I went in side and asked "Is there anyone here named Leah who'd like to go home with me?" She ran over to me and said "I'd like to go home with you but I can't because MY name is Coonygunda!!"
When she was still in diapers, Leah stayed with Grandma one day a week. Although Ryan's parents are 100% German, they don't speak German fluently but will occasionally throw out a random German saying. One day I was changing Leah out of a pretty nasty diaper, and as I pulled the diaper out from under her, she said "Ach de leiber!". I didn't understand so I asked it again and she repeated and then added "That's what Grandma says!". So, I called Virg to ask what it meant and found out that she would exclaim that saying during diaper changing and it means something like "Yuck! That stinks!" (or maybe nothing at all like that, but an exclamation nonetheless". I'm pretty sure I laughed so hard I cried.
My favorite, of course, which I can't remember if I posted her yet or not, was the other day when she came downstairs while I was getting ready for work, ran over to me, jumped into my lap, pulled by face close to hers and said "Mommy? I'm so glad you came into my life!"...
what more could a mother ask for.
(Oh, and by the way...when she is 15 and screaming at the top of her lungs that she hates me and I am ruining her life, could you please point me in the direction of this post so I can reminisce?)
You probably know that Ryan and I are very much "dog people". We treat Rusty more like a part of our family than simply a pet. Therefore, over the years, we have each developed a voice that we use when we think Rusty would like to communicate something. I'm sure it looks weird to outsiders, but human-dog conversations are quite normal around here.
Ryan was talking to Rusty one day last week and Leah went to him and said "Daddy? Rusty can't talk!" and of course Ryan said "well sure he can! Listen:" and went on about impersonating him to the best of his ability. Leah was sure she knew better. "Daddy!" she said. "Don't be silly! Rusty can't talk...he Rustles."
Just this evening, I was using Leah's scissors with the blunt ends (since not one of the approximately 4.25 kazillion pairs of grownup scissors I've purchased over the years can be found) to cut off a bandage from Ryan's leg.
Now, this is one of those moments where I realized almost immediately that something I'd told Leah in the past about behavior and sharing and politeness was about to come back to bite me in the ass since I had taken the scissors without asking her first.
She came to me and said "MOMMY! Those are MY scissors!". I said "Oh, I know honey! I forgot to ask you if I can use them...is it okay?"
She beamed from ear to ear and said "Of course you can mommy!" and then patted me on the hand and walked away.
One of the pieces of medical equipment Ryan is using is a bone stimulator. Last night we had decided to go visit Ryan's parents for a few hours, so he needed to bring it with him. His hands were full, however, so I asked Leah if she could be a good helper and take it to him. Of course, she agreed because she does love to help! She took it from my hands and after getting it adjusted in such away in her little hands that would not end up strangling her, she walked out the front door, across the driveway, and handed it to Ryan while saying "Here you go daddy. Here is your bone stimulator" and then preceded to buckle herself into her car seat. You would have thought that she'd been saying that word every day. She pronounced it perfectly!
Ryan's mother has a cousin who's first name is Coonygunda (no clue if this is spelled anywhere near correctly, but it is pronounced COO-NEE-GOON-DUH). Virginia has mentioned her to me once or twice and of course I always say "Really? That's her name? Her first name?" and we giggle and then go on about our business. Then one day when I was picking Leah up from grandma's, I went in side and asked "Is there anyone here named Leah who'd like to go home with me?" She ran over to me and said "I'd like to go home with you but I can't because MY name is Coonygunda!!"
When she was still in diapers, Leah stayed with Grandma one day a week. Although Ryan's parents are 100% German, they don't speak German fluently but will occasionally throw out a random German saying. One day I was changing Leah out of a pretty nasty diaper, and as I pulled the diaper out from under her, she said "Ach de leiber!". I didn't understand so I asked it again and she repeated and then added "That's what Grandma says!". So, I called Virg to ask what it meant and found out that she would exclaim that saying during diaper changing and it means something like "Yuck! That stinks!" (or maybe nothing at all like that, but an exclamation nonetheless". I'm pretty sure I laughed so hard I cried.
My favorite, of course, which I can't remember if I posted her yet or not, was the other day when she came downstairs while I was getting ready for work, ran over to me, jumped into my lap, pulled by face close to hers and said "Mommy? I'm so glad you came into my life!"...
what more could a mother ask for.
(Oh, and by the way...when she is 15 and screaming at the top of her lungs that she hates me and I am ruining her life, could you please point me in the direction of this post so I can reminisce?)
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Which Witch is Which?
Leah and I were coloring last night and decided to make some halloween themed cards. I have a bunch of stencils, so I was showing Leah how to put the pen inside and draw the lines. It was a lot of fun...and one of those things that I probably don't do with her often enough!
Anyway...there were four different stenils. A skeleton, a jack-o-lantern, a ghost and a witch.
We were each going on about our business. She was tracing a pumpking and I had chosen the witch.
She looked up from her coloring just as I was pullng the stencil off the page to see the finished picture. As she saw it, she gasped and said:
"Mommy! You did the switch! Good job mommy! Switches are scary! They yell boo at you! i don't like switches!"
Could she be any more adorable? (For those of you that are fans of "Friends", the preceeding statement should be read using the same inflection that Chandler uses!)
Anyway...there were four different stenils. A skeleton, a jack-o-lantern, a ghost and a witch.
We were each going on about our business. She was tracing a pumpking and I had chosen the witch.
She looked up from her coloring just as I was pullng the stencil off the page to see the finished picture. As she saw it, she gasped and said:
"Mommy! You did the switch! Good job mommy! Switches are scary! They yell boo at you! i don't like switches!"
Could she be any more adorable? (For those of you that are fans of "Friends", the preceeding statement should be read using the same inflection that Chandler uses!)
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